Longing
by dreams-of-julie
Summary: In an alternate reality Serena longs for Darien but he will never see her as anything but a friend. First chapter rating was stronger next chapters rating on the pg scale
1. Mistakes

Disclaimer: I do not own sailor moon!!! Hey guys I am trying another story, lets see how it goes. I am still not so good at this writing thing so I will appreciate your input and comments. Thank you to all those who reviewed the last story. Please review this one.  
  
Mistakes  
  
The bed loomed before her eyes. It was as if the very sight of it had rooted her on the spot. There was nothing she could do to tear her gaze form it. Memories of the previous night hammered at her mind trying to break free. She kept biting her lips to keep the onslaught at bay but like a snake waiting to strike they came rushing at her torturing with the events of the previous day.  
  
"Why," she kept clamoring to herself?  
  
Why had she allowed herself to fall into his arms?  
  
She had known from the beginning that it was a mistake. Her mind had screamed at her to stay away form him but her heart had not heeded its advice and now she found herself staring at the place where she had lost herself. She had gambled her innocence hoping to keep him by her side and she had lost. She had lost her pride and her self-respect in her quest to make him love her and know there was nothing left.  
  
She kept staring at the bed relieving the night over and over again in her mind.  
  
The room still echoed of whispered words and the sighs of passion were imbedded in its walls forever. His scent was all around her and every time she closed her eyes she saw him. As much as she tried to eradicate him form her thoughts she could see him standing in the moonlight looking like her very own fallen angel.  
  
But, he wasn't hers and the sooner she realized it the sooner she could start to put the broken pieces of her life back together.  
  
He would never be able to look at her the way his eyes followed the woman who held his heart captive. She had to keep reminding herself that at best she would always be his second choice. Her face hadn't mattered last night only the passion her arms could offer for a few stolen moments.  
  
He would always belong to someone else. His heart had already been given away. She had seen it herself. Had followed his steps as he fell in love with the woman she herself would gladly trade places with.  
  
There was no use in denying the truth of her predicament. In a moment of reckless passion she had thrown her life down the gutter. All she had wanted was a chance to show him how much she loved him; how much she had always loved him.  
  
When she had seen him last night he had looked so sinfully beautiful that it had almost hurt to look at him. But she wanted him, "Oh God, how she wanted him."  
  
She had never wanted anybody so badly. She had never needed anybody that much.  
  
For years the love that she had for him had grown, it had matured and cemented itself in her heart forever. She had always known that she would only love once and it would be for always but why had her heart chosen the unattainable? Why of all the men in the world had it picked the one that could never be hers? Why did she have to yearn for the one man that had been forbidden to her?  
  
However, last night everything changed. All the love and all the longing that had been repressed for so long couldn't be contained any longer. Suddenly, her heart stopped listening to her mind and she forgot the rules; she forgot that he wasn't hers to love.  
  
In her mind she can still see things so clearly; his hands so strong wrapping themselves in her hair, his eyes blue fire in the dark, and his lips demanding her surrender.  
  
For a moment she closes her eyes and he's right there once again, touching her, loving her, completing her.  
  
She remembers looking into his mesmerizing blue eyes as he slowly bent his head and took her mouth in an endless, drugging kiss that made her senses reel.  
  
He had kissed her again and again. His hands shifting, exploring, tormenting, seducing until she lost all control.  
  
And she had kissed him back with all the suppressed longing of the last years, her fingers tangling in his silky, thick hair losing herself in his touch.  
  
His arms had wrapped themselves around her, his hands racing over her satiny skin, legs tangling with each other and his body slowly thrusting against her hips, telling her what he wanted.  
  
Touching him was everything. Watching what her touch did to him was more than everything.  
  
It went on forever, caresses, silken kisses and whispered words.  
  
She had fought down her urge to beg him, to plead with him to take her, to love her with his heart and his body, as she had been longing to do almost from the moment he took her in his arms.  
  
His lovemaking had broken down her defenses and left her weak and desperate for she knew that this was all she would ever have. One night; only one night in the arms of the man she loved more than life itself.  
  
As she looked at the bed once again time and place had lost all meaning.  
  
For one moment he had been hers. For one sweet, perfect moment, there had been no past no present, no future.  
  
Nonetheless, even when she was holding him after all this time he was still as out of reach as he had been because of whom she was and what she had done.  
  
Her sacrifice had been all in vain. He would never love her. She had always known that his heart belonged to someone else.  
  
And now she had another wrong to right.  
  
After last night he would have more than enough reason to hate her.  
  
More than innocence had been lost that night.  
  
Within her she would always carry the shameful secret that she had lost everything for a man that would never be hers. 


	2. Beginnings

Disclaimer: Do not own Sailor Moon!!!  
  
Beginnings  
  
She thinks back to the past and she can't remember a time when she hasn't loved him. Her heart aches with unfulfilled emotions for she knows that her dreams will never come true. Ever since she was a little girl her eyes had followed him. In her mind and in her heart there was never anybody as beautiful and strong as him. Even though, he never knew it her thoughts had always belonged to him.  
  
It's funny how you can love someone so much. How your life can be wrapped in somebody else's happiness' so completely. She had loved to see him happy. Her mission in life was to put a smile on his face everyday. And so she acted the klutz. She saved jokes to tell him and she embellished the events of her day dramatically just to see those beautiful blue eyes shinning with mirth.  
  
And when he laughed, oh god when he laughed, her life was complete. When she heard that sound escape his lips all was right with the world; for she had accomplished something marvelous. She had done the impossible. She, clumsy Serena, had made the man that she loved happy.  
  
However, things were not that cut and dry. Yes, he loved to play with her. Yes, there was no doubt in her mind that he enjoyed her company and valued her friendship. But that was all that there was. He saw her as a friend. He saw her as a littler girl and that above all was what hurt the most. She would have his friendship and for that she would be grateful but he would never see her as a woman. He would never see her as the woman he could love.  
  
The woman who would give him everything,  
  
The woman who would do everything in her power to make him happy,  
  
And the woman who would die for him.  
  
So, she settled. Her mind accepted that friendship would be all that she would ever have; better to have that than nothing. Nevertheless, in the recess of her heart, hidden away from everything, was the hope that maybe someday things would change.  
  
The years had passed and the sweet love of a young girl changed. The love that had been innocent and pure turned into something else as she became a woman. Suddenly it became deeper, darker, and more passionate, and it awoke within her the need to be wanted in return.  
  
She bided her time and thought of the way to disclose her feelings. In her mind she thought of ingenious ways to tell him what her heart held. She invented wild scenarios in which he told her that he had felt the same way all along. And, so her heart grew confident and she decided the time for the truth had come.  
  
Oh, heavens how the pain of that day still haunts her and pierces her heart. She had been so sure of her love. She had firmly believed that she loved enough for both of them; that the strength of her desire would be enough to overcome any obstacle.  
  
Then again, she had never been truly honest with herself. All this time she had denied herself the truth that had been in front of her eyes. He was falling in love with someone else.  
  
Hadn't she seen it with her eyes, seen the change that was slowly altering his behavior? His moods were different and his mind seemed to be always far away. The silly things she used to do, to make him laugh, no longer held his interest; slowly but surely she was losing him. Moreover, what pained her most was that it was to another woman; a woman who was more beautiful than sin itself.  
  
She still remembers the first time Darien locked eyes with her. They had been outside the coffee shop they frequented after classes at the local state university. Like always she was being her silly self. That morning she had styled her hair in two ridiculous ponytails in the hopes that her antics would make Darien laugh. When he had seen her after classes the hairstyle had launched a barrage of teasing and insults. They were laughing hysterically when out of the shop walked out a stunning brunette.  
  
Suddenly, the laughter died and Serena had felt unbelievably dowdy compare to the gorgeous woman. She had felt inadequate and childish when she had viewed the other woman's poise and carriage. Her hairstyle became preposterous as she caught sight of Darien's appreciation for the gleaming Mahoney tresses. And when Darien had looked into the dazzling jade eyes of the woman, Serena knew it was over. Darien had given his heart away and the recipient wouldn't be her.  
  
How could she ever think to compete with someone so self-assured and lovely? How could she even begin to compete with someone who oozed confidence and sensuality from every pore in her body?  
  
After that day everything became devastatingly clear to Sere. She would always be Darien's friend but never the woman to stand beside him. All her illusions were abruptly shattered and the hope that had sustained her for so long slowly began to die.  
  
Never, would she feel his lips on her.  
  
Never, would she feel his hands wrapped around her.  
  
Never, would she experience the strength of his desire.  
  
And never, would she hear him whisper her name full of love.  
  
From now on all his loved was reserved for the woman who ensnared his heart one sunny afternoon.  
  
Time passed and like always Serena watched from afar; always longing, always yearning for what could never be. It had almost destroyed her to see him with her. For a moment she had considered leaving the university and moving away. However, what good would her life be if she was deprived of his visage?  
  
Even though, it was from a distance at least she was able to bask in his joy. What is more, she was truly happy for him. Ironically she wished him the best. If she wasn't the one to chase his shadows away, she was truly glad he had found contentment in someone else's arms.  
  
And so she stayed and played the part of his best friend to a hilt. She counted herself fortunate to at least have that place in his life. Therefore, she kept quiet and guarded her feelings covetously. Once again, she settled.  
  
It was daunting to see the love of her life in love with somebody else.  
  
It was agony to see him laugh and smile at someone else's jokes.  
  
It was torture to see him rain kisses on someone else's lips.  
  
And it filled her heart with sorrow to know that he would never belong to her.  
  
The worst part was that she could never hate that new woman in his life. She made her best friend happy and that was all that mattered. Yes, she envied her place in Darien's life but she loved Darien so absolutely that Serena couldn't begrudge her.  
  
Her name was Glory. A fitting name for she was a glorious woman. She had accomplished the impossible in Darien's life. She had made him step out of his shell. Even if it demolished all of Serena's dreams she stepped aside and never whispered what was in her heart.  
  
It appears that this would be the story of her life; always looking in from the outside. She had learned from a young age to hide what she felt. She had learned to conceal her thoughts behind a smile. She had learned that it was better to mask the pain with humor rather, than say what was in her mind and risk losing him altogether.  
  
Like always she settles. 


	3. Acceptence

Acceptance  
  
It's funny how life can change? How you can accept defeat albeit your heart screams you not to.  
  
It's funny how time passes and your heart remains in the same place.  
  
It's funny how time passes and your wounds don't really heal.  
  
It's funny how love can keep growing even though it's not corresponded.  
  
And it's funny how life can take a sharp turn and land you somewhere were you thought you would never be.  
  
The seasons changed and life for Darien and Glory was idyllic. The college years had passed and as they entered a new stage in their lives they began to plan a wedding. Serena had been there from the beginning of the courtship and had known that this was how it would end. Marriage and kids, that's what Darien had always desired, a family of his own. Soon all his dreams would come true and once again Serena would be cast out in a sea of loneliness.  
  
However, this time she would walk away. It had been to many agonizing years of wishing and longing for something that would never be. She had made up her mind that after she fulfilled her last act as best friend of the groom she would leave. She would stand at his wedding like he asked, she would smile and laugh on cue, and she would wish them happiness as the last shreds of hear heart fell apart.  
  
While, she would never rail against his happiness, seeing him start this new phase in his life would be too much for her battered mind. As a result, her bags were packed and her new destiny awaited her.  
  
Maybe far from him she could reconstruct her life.  
  
Maybe distance would set her free from this love that consumed her.  
  
And maybe just maybe leaving would give her strength to love someone else.  
  
She planed her trip in secret and refused to divulge her plans. She didn't want a shadow befalling the wedding. Although, he didn't love her the way she wanted him to, she had always been his best friend and her absence would cause him pain. Nevertheless, in time he would forget her. He would wrap himself in his new family and soon she would become nothing but a distance memory.  
  
On the other hand, she feared that the story wouldn't be the same in her case. A part of her would always resent the absence of his presence. Her heart would always wish desperately for a different ending and her mind would torture her with what could never be.  
  
She shooed the negative thoughts from her mind, for she had to believe that in starting over she would get to someplace different. It's true that it would be difficult if not impossible to let go of this love but for the sake of her sanity she had to try. She had always known that the only solution was to put miles between them, but her obstinacy had kept her by his side, resulting in more heartbreak than joy.  
  
So now the time to move on had finally arrived and for a moment she felt relived that it was finally ending. At this point, for the first time in what has been a long journey, Serena finally begins to feel joy and freedom. Her decision made, she begins to look forward to the future. Three more days to the wedding and to a new direction in her life full of endless possibilities.  
  
As she opens the door to her apartment she is confronted with a sight she never believed she would see. Before her eyes a different Darien stands. His eyes are hollow and desolate and his shoulders are slumped with defeat. The words that echoed out of his mouth succeed in shattering her world once again.  
  
"The wedding is off."  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing!! Please review constructive criticism is appreciated!! 


	4. Back to Mistakes

"The wedding is off."  
  
The words reverberated throughout the small apartment leaving behind shock and disbelief in their wake. For one precious second time stood still and a heart began to break anew. Serena closed her eyes and wondered how much more one heart could endure before it collapsed completely.  
  
After all this time she was hearing the words her soul had so desperately ached for. However, one look at Darien's profile and she knew it to be a hollow victory. She hated to see him like this; so defeated so beaten. Once again, she resolved to do everything in her power to put a smile back on his lips.  
  
With eyes downcast, valiantly trying to hide the turbulent emotions that where at the surface she stepped aside to let him in the apartment. Her heart beating so fast, she feared he could hear it, pounded in her ears reminding her of how much she loved this man. Loved him so dangerously and so absolutely that the only thing that mattered was his happiness even if it was at the expense of her own.  
  
He sat in the small sofa hunched forward, with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. It was a posture of such incomparable despair that her hands itched to trace the counters of his face and chase all his demons away.  
  
In that moment she forgot that he loved another. She forgot that he was not hers as she took a seat next to him. In an unguarded moment that would cost her more than she would ever know a decision was made: a decision that would only bring more pain and grief to an already vulnerable heart.  
  
His demeanor was more quiet than usual and she understood that what he needed was the company of someone he could trust. So she sat in silence and didn't ask any questions even though, every nerve in her body was screaming to find out what had brought him here.  
  
"Do you want anything to drink?" she asked quietly.  
  
When he didn't seem to hear her Serena scooted closer to him splaying her hand over his arm hoping to convey her support through such a small gesture.  
  
"I'm here if you need anything," she said softly.  
  
With a harsh sigh, he slumped back against the sofa, staring up at the ceiling and gave a grim laugh. "She doesn't love me anymore." And with sarcasm lacing every word he bitterly reinforces, "If you can believe it she doesn't love me anymore."  
  
He turned brilliant blue eyes to her full of desperation and hopelessness. Serena lost herself in that endless blue and for the first time in their friendship her façade slipped and she let him catch a glimpse of what her heart held when she responded, "No I could never imagine how anyone could ever stop loving you."  
  
Darien gazed at the familiar face that had always been there by his side. She was different tonight, older, softer, and sweeter. Maybe it was the effects of the alcohol he had imbibed earlier but there had been something in her eyes that called to a part of him that had been asleep for so long.  
  
"Thank you," he said quietly.  
  
"Thank you for always being here. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have your friendship."  
  
He stretched his arm across the back of the sofa, leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His hand curved around her shoulder and he drew her close. Her cheek came to rest against his chest and her hand played with the buttons of his shirt. She knew that he hadn't realized what he had done, but it seemed harmless enough.  
  
"I will always be here Darien. No matter what happens you can always count on me," she whispered. The longing he heard in her voice made his eyes snap open and he tipped his chin down, staring at her. She wanted him to kiss her, it was written all over her somber face.  
  
Tonight it had been too hard to keep the pretense up. After all these years of wanting and loving she couldn't hide what her heart had longed for.  
  
She knew that he was hurting.  
  
She knew she had no right to want or to ask.  
  
She knew that he loved another.  
  
And she knew that the only one that would lose would be her once again.  
  
But, he looked so beautiful and she ached for him, and maybe just maybe she could make him love her.  
  
"You're playing a dangerous game," he said tautly.  
  
She rubbed her cheek against his chest, and he felt his resistance begin to crumble. A minute ago he had been exhausted and drained; now his body was stirring to life and his hands seemed to have a will of their own, as they wrapped around her hair tilting her face up.  
  
He gazed at the girl who had always been there, trying to remember that this was wrong; that this was his best friend. That if he touched her there would be no going back and that if he kissed her he would shatter something precious and pure.  
  
However, when his lips finally touched hers every thought evaporated into the night and he ceased to care. He ceased to care that he would destroy something that could never be put back together. The only thing he could do was feel desire so strong that it overwhelmed and overpowered any rational thought.  
  
Serena had come alive when he had taken her in his arms. He was angry and he was arrogant and everything that made her a woman responded to him. She couldn't imagine not loving him. It was impossible. He was her world, her breath of life.  
  
Lost in the endless darkness that surrounded the bedroom she felt the touch of his hands hesitant at first, then increase in demand as their passion escalated. His breath fanned her neck, kisses became frantic with need, and the strength of his arms was driving her over the edge. He had such a beautiful masculine body long, lean and sculpted with muscle and at least for tonight he would be hers. Her own fallen angel.  
  
She wanted everything at once, to feel him inside of her, to have him kiss her forever, to lay down with him and be his forever. Her body shuddered and all she could think of was; so this is how it feels to finally be his; exquisite and dangerous and with this man more passion than she would ever have.  
  
She had been brought to this by her love for this man, by a desire that consumed her and set her on fire, by a need that even time could not quench. He was heat racing along her nerves setting a fire deep in her core. She had never expected love to feel this way so wild, and unwelcome and full of despair.  
  
Nevertheless in the back of her mind the truth persisted and she knew that somehow this was all she would ever have. She understood that for him it was only physical, passion rather than love, possession rather than cherishing. But she didn't care anymore. She would have this night and later she would decide if the price she paid were too high.  
  
With his hands upon her skin, his warm mouth drinking hers, and his bare body upon her own in the sensuous tangle of sheets promises that would later shatter were spoken in haste. Words that should have never been spoken out loud engraved themselves in the souls of two lonely people.  
  
And in the endless night a vow that would haunt Serena forever was made...  
  
Disclaimer: Again I do not own anything. No Sailor Moon!!  
  
Hey Guys thank you so much for your reviews. I wrote this chapter kind of fast because I am about to start finals. So please bear with me if there are to many mistakes. Thank you very much for reviewing I appreciate all your comments and advice. Please keep reviewing and commenting. Yes, I now accept signed and unsigned reviews thanks to someone's advice lol. Thank you Ami Mizuno 1 for your reviews and Kurayami for your beautiful comments. Thank you all please keep up your reviews and let me know what can be changed and made better! 


	5. Aftermath

His words haunt her  
  
The recollection of his kiss torments her  
  
His touch enflames her  
  
And the absence of his arms destroys her.  
  
He had looked so beautiful that night. She had always believed that expression to be silly, how can a man look beautiful, but he had. So beautiful that for a moment she had been afraid to touch him. Afraid that touching him would make him disappear into thin air.  
  
Her heart had beaten wildly at the feel of his lips and after all this time, after longing and wishing for the impossible she had finally known love in his arms. However, reality had to rear its ugly head for when dawn had arrived he had left her bedside without a word.  
  
When she had seen him walk out that door without even glancing back she had felt her heart shatter once more. In that second a part of her soul had crumbled and shriveled into the wind.  
  
It had been two weeks since that fateful night. Two weeks of sleepless nights and pain filled days. Everything hurt so much and even breathing had become a chore. There were moments in those endless nights that she had feared for her sanity, feared that she would never be able to find the way out of the darkness that surrounded her.  
  
And now as she stares at the glow of the moon she still wonders is she'll be able to pull it together. She shakes her head from side to side, trying unsuccessfully to eradicate the images that assail her: images that have etched themselves permanently in her soul. Images of a pair of beautiful blue eyes that are bound to haunt her forever.  
  
Nights like these she wishes she could forget.  
  
Nights like these she wishes that she were strong enough to expunge from her heart this love that perturbed and tormented her mind.  
  
Nights like these she wishes that she were brave enough to let go of his memory and walk away for good.  
  
And night like these she wishes and she hopes and the she yearns for his touch once more.  
  
For, how can she disregard passion so strong, so beautiful and so perfect that to think of it brings tears to her eyes?  
  
How can she overlook that for a small moment in time her greatest wish had come true?  
  
And how can she ignore that for a miniscule second in the fabrics of time and space she had held heaven in her arms.  
  
However, things were worse now. Now, that she knew the beauty of being held in his arms it would be hell to go back to being without him. Now it seemed all she had to look forward to was to fade back into some lifeless existence.  
  
She didn't even know anymore if she even had a friendship to go back to. She had made such a cake out of herself that night. Truths that should have never been spoken were whispered in the heat of passion and now she had more than one right to wrong.  
  
In her quest to grasp the one thing her heart had always cherished she had overlooked an undeniable truth. She had taken something that belonged to another woman. A woman who despite her allegations of not wanting Darien loved him just as desperately as Serena did.  
  
Serena couldn't fool herself that much longer. She had seen the love reflected in Glory's eyes. She knew that sooner rather than later the other woman would come to her senses and seek Darien. And that's what filled Serena with dread. In the darkest corner of her heart she had always known that Glory would never let him go.  
  
Hey guys thanks to all those who reviewed I love your comments and your wonderful words of encouragement. Like always-constructive criticism is appreciated. Review and let me know what you think and if you want anything changed or your ideas on how to better the story. Sorry this chapter is so short. I am done with finals so I will be able to update more frequently and put out longer chapters, that is if you still want more of this story.  
  
I do not own sailor moon, never have, never will. I am just a poor college student. 


	6. Crossroads

_**

* * *

I remember you from a dream. A dream I had so long ago. A dream that has never ceased to haunt me even with the passing of years."  
**_  
The dreams came again that night. She belonged to him. Heart mind and soul she belonged to him. Even if his heart didn't know yet.  
  
In his dreams he remembers the way she looked; so beautiful that it made his heart ache; so innocent that he almost hadn't touched her. But her softness and her heat had nearly driven him over the edge and in the recess of his mind he heard a vow made so long ago, "We belong to each other, we were made for each other, and even hell could never keep me away from you."  
  
The feel of her nails digging themselves in the hard muscle of his back still burns his flesh. He remembers her wild with desire her body wanting only to be possessed by him and in that moment he felt primal and more alive than he had ever felt in his life. He had needed Serena as he had never needed anyone before. Even now as he searches his memories, he can't remember feeling this desperation for anyone else.  
  
The night air had drifted on their skins and when he was inside of her everything had turned hot. She belonged to him; the words clamored in his mind and a feeling of possessiveness and jealousy like none he had ever felt before enfolded his senses. He had never known passion like this and everything that made him a man had wanted to bind her to him.  
  
He hadn't been as gentle as he should have been that night but his desire hadn't been soft it was uncontrollable burning high and hot and hard and powerful enough to consume them both.  
  
He knew that she had felt shattered by the intensity of what he was making her feel. He was a skillful lover and she had been innocent. He had conquered her defenses and shattered all resistance. He had enjoyed hearing her whisper his name; he had delighted in seeing her give herself to the madness within, as she had opened herself fully to him. The part that scared him even now was that he had been so lost in a haze of desire that he hadn't cared that he might be destroying something precious.  
  
The only thought in his mind had been to posses, to weld her body to his and to fill her so completely that there would never be any doubt of who had been there first. He had held on to her as if it meant the difference between living and dying and in the process he had shackled her heart to his without knowing.  
  
All these feelings had shocked and confounded him. He couldn't recall ever feeling anything this powerful or earth shattering. That night it had seemed like a centuries-old hunger had risen up between them demanding to be fed. The darkness that had crept into his soul had terrified him. For an instant he had discovered a part of himself that he didn't know existed; a part that screamed she yours, she's always been yours and she will always be yours. When she had stared up at him he had seen his own desperation, his own hunger mirrored in cerulean blue depths that had threatened to drown him. And as they had begun that ancient dance known only to lovers a thought had crossed his mind; this is what had been missing from his life, completion.  
  
However, memories of that night only serve to confuse. For the longest time he had seen Serena as nothing more than a little sister; the best friend that had always been there; the girl he could share his dreams and secrets with.  
  
In one night everything had changed and now he feels as if he's cast adrift in an endless sea without an anchor.  
  
He should have never walked away from her but the desire that had still been pounding throughout his system and the hunger that wanted to claim her again and again had been so overwhelming that he had to get away.  
  
He had to run away form his heart that cried out, do not let her go again.  
  
He had to run away from the words she had whispered when he had been deep inside of her.  
  
It's the memory of those words that torment him now.  
  
The way she looked, the unconditional surrender that she offered, and the way she had touched him as she vowed that she would always be his taunt him with his folly at having left her alone.  
  
He had no idea. He had never suspected. Never had it crossed his mind that all these years Serena had loved him so fiercely so passionately.  
  
And it humbled him to know that all this time he had been loved unconditionally. For he knew without a doubt that the love she offered was candid and open. If he had only opened his eyes sooner he would have noticed what had always been in front of his eyes: a woman who would give everything to see him happy. After years and years of searching for something that would fill the void in his heart he had found it in the most unexpected place. The question that remains is "What is he going to do about it."

* * *

The storm raged out of control mirroring her mood. She stood outside of her balcony letting the wind play havoc with her long tresses. The rain would come soon she could smell it in the air. It would come to wash away everything in its path and as she sighed his name out loud she hoped it would wash away his memory too.  
  
Contrary to public opinion she loved a good storm. There was something so elemental so wild about the clash of thunder and the streaks of lightning that illuminated the sky. No one, not even him knew of her secret love for summer lighting. It was in those moments poised before a storm that she felt so alive and so in tune with nature that every problem she had, seemed so insignificant, except for tonight. With memories of him assailing her mind the storm before her eyes had lost its luster and appeal. Lately everything in her life lacked the beauty it once had.  
  
The tears fall slowly staining her pale countenance and as the wind howls restlessly for a moment she gives in to despair. She wishes that she could fade into the darkness that was swallowing the night. What was left of her heart was so torn and shattered that continuing to exist appeared so futile.  
  
She hasn't seen him.  
  
She hasn't heard his voice or seen his smile.  
  
And the dreams, that's the worst part of all. It's those dreams that haunt her and fill her with despair and longing. Dreams were all she sees is a pair of beautiful blue eyes and all she hears are words of love that should have never been spoken out loud.  
  
What hurt the most even now, was that she had spoken what had always been in her heart and he had walked away without even acknowledging the truth she had hidden all these years.  
  
It was that fact that had sent her heart spiraling into a deep depression and three nights ago facing her battered soul in the mirror she had almost taken her life.  
  
However, life had a funny way of doing things. When you least expect it and all seems dismal and dreary a ray of sunlight shines through. Even though, her heart still ached for him she had to gather courage and strength to face another day for she had been given an unexpected gift.  
  
She watches as the storm withers silently into oblivion. Tomorrow will be a new day and as she caresses her stomach, she whispers to the new life growing within her, "Ill be strong for you. For you, I will find a way to make things better."

* * *

Darien watched as the last vestiges of the storm disappeared, in those final moments before the sky cleared he had come to a pivotal decision. He was going to go to her. He was going to stop hiding behind his insecurities and lay his heart and thoughts bare before her. After that they would see were life would taken them. All he knew was that he couldn't lose her.  
  
He grabbed his keys and jacket from the sofa and as he swung the door open, Glory stood there soaking wet hand extended ready to knock.  
  
"I love you Darien."

* * *

Hey guys sorry it took me so long to update. Had some drama trying to get classes for the summer. Thank you , thank you so much for your reviews and for reading my little story. Please keep reading and letting me know what you like and how to improve my story. I appreciate all of your support. Please bear with me as far as grammar goes it's never really been my strong point. As always thank you Ami Mizuno 1, coey-sama, thank you so much moon blossom and Victoria. To all who reviewed your support is appreciated


	7. Realizatons

"I love you, Darien."

She was standing before him looking beautiful and vulnerable her jade eyes full of unshed tears and all he could think of was back to a pair of sky blue eyes that had begged only for his love. A few weeks ago hearing her declaration of love would have made him jump for joy but now things had become so muddled and murky that he couldn't think straight. However, somewhere deep in his being, he could feel his soul clamoring someone else's name, "Serena." Somewhere lost inside of him the answer was there, shouting her name out loud.

As he stepped aside to let Glory in the small apartment his mind kept torturing him with thoughts of another. Standing in front of him was everything he thought he had always wanted and still his heart wasn't content.

Yes, the woman in front of him was too stunning for words.

Yes, he had desired her desperately.

Yes, he had convinced himself that she was that essential part missing from his life.

However, one night in the arms of a certain blonde had eradicated all those theories. The moment his arms had wrapped around Serena he had felt peace for the first time in his life. In her arms he had truly found that part of himself that had been lost for so long.

At first it had terrified him to feel a love so strong. Even with Glory he had never truly allowed himself to be vulnerable, had never let her in beyond the gates of his heart. But, with Serena everything had changed. In only one night she had tumbled down all the walls he had carefully erected all his life.

She had seen beyond the smirk he presented to the world, she had always known that he wore a façade to mask his loneliness. And it pained him to finally understand that she had been there, waiting for him to wake up and see the beautiful gift she was offering; unconditional love.

As these thoughts settled in his mind an old forgotten memory of Serena interrupted his maudlin and he was flung to the past.

"_Dari wait up! He heard a childish voice calling his voice. The morose boy that he was at twelve turned to look at the little eight year old ball of sunshine that was spiraling toward him at a dangerous speed. He caught her in his arms before her face made contact with the asphalt._

_"Dari, I've been looking for you all over the place." Her voice was out of breath and exited as she continued, "I wanted to give you something."_

_He glanced down at the tiny girl he was holding in his arms and saw one of the sweetest countenances he'd ever clapped eyes on, framed by a mop of curly blonde hair and beautiful sky blue eyes._

_He remembers thinking that she looked almost ethereal like his very own little angel. Fascinated he had stared at her perfect little face keeping his expression solemn as he heard her endless chatter._

_"I kept looking for you all over the place. I kept looking and looking and I couldn't find you anywhere. But know I found you", she squealed delighted. Suddenly she had become quiet and had tipped her head to study him. In a small, shy sweet voice she whispered, "I have something very special to give you." She thrust out a tiny fist and dumped a shiny object onto his palm._

_It was a silver dollar, which she had been saving to buy her favorite comic book._

_She gnawed her lip and lowered her eyes twisting the edge of her sundress in her hands._

_"I know things are hard since your mommy got sick. I wanted to help but I didn't know how. I hope this helps you a little bit and next week when I get my allowance I'll be able to help you more," her voice slowly faded as she saw the stunned look in his face._

_Darien's heart squeezed and his voice came out choked and dangerously closed to tears, "Thank you, Sere." He couldn't return the dollar that had meant so much to her because it would hurt her feelings and for the first time since his mother had gotten sick he didn't feel so alone anymore. The little girl threw her arms around him and gave him a resounding sloppy kiss._

_"I'll always be here Dari._

_He looked at the tiny powerhouse that was smiling broadly flashing him that irresistible dimple and knew he had lost his heart right there on the spot._

"Darien?" Glory's voice brought him crashing back to reality and as he cleared his mind from the assaulting memory all of a sudden things became clear.

He had been lying to himself all these years. He had always known that his heart belonged to Serena and it would always belong to her alone. Somehow in the rush to succeed, in the clamber to forget his mothers death he had lost his way. He had been afraid to love that way again with a beginning but no end. He had fooled himself and in the process hurt the only other person that loved him unconditionally.

As he looked at Glory he comprehended that all this time he had been hiding behind her. He knew his heart had never been completely invested in her and so the chances of being truly hurt had never really existed. He took a deep breath and found the courage in himself to put things aright.

"Glory I need to..."

Before he could proceed her fingers on his lips stopped him.

"I know it's to late," her tearful voice interrupted.

"I knew it the moment I walked in. The look in your eyes, I knew it couldn't be for me."

"Glory, I."

"No, Darien please let me finish", the tears were threatening to spill and her voice had become strangled with emotion.

"I loved you, Darien from the beginning I always loved you. However, I could never make you smile the way she did. I could never make you laugh with so much emotion and so much happiness as she did. I lived in constant fear that one day you would realize your true feelings. I kept waiting for the moment that you would wake up and see the love that she offered shinning in her eyes." She looked at his stunned expression at her revelation and only smiled sadly.

"Yes, I always knew how she felt about you. Everybody knew how she felt about you. I think you were the only one who refused to see what was in front of you. Nevertheless, I loved you and I thought that maybe, just maybe I could make you happy." She shakes her head and this time the tears fall freely form her beautiful emerald eyes.

"I never meant to hurt you, Glory. I just couldn't find my way home. The first time I saw you, I thought that perhaps you could complete that part that was missing."

Darien was quiet for a moment as he saw the girl in front of him tremble with heart wrenching sobs. He put his arms around her and pulled her to him caressing her hair softly.

"God, I am so sorry. I have made such a mess of things and now I've hurt you both. I just wish I could take your pain away and make things right somehow." His voice slowly paled and his heart contracted at the pain he had caused with his insecurities.

Glory pulled herself away from his arms and tried to gather her composure as best as she could. "No Darien, I did this to myself. I went into the relationship with my eyes wide open. I had sensed form the start that your heart wasn't invested completely and I still wanted you. This is the reason why I cancelled the wedding. I couldn't go through it knowing that at any moment you were going to realize your true feelings."

She walked away from him allowing him time to digest the truth of her words.

"Tonight I came to see if perchance there was a possibility that I was wrong. When you opened the door and I looked in your eyes I knew that all was lost. You finally found yourself."

She turned to look at him her smile a bit shaky but honest and sincere.

"Be happy Darien. Allow yourself to be truly happy, you deserve it."

The words died on his lips and he couldn't find anything to say. He pulled her into his arms for a final hug. He knew this was goodbye. In his own way he had loved her and he was man enough to recognize that she had helped him to see the folly of his way.

Glory closed her eyes and breathed in his scent as she allowed herself to feel the joy of being in his arms for the last time. She loved him but she knew their story wasn't meant to be. Somewhere in this life a new beginning was waiting for her and she would be brave enough to take the chance. For now she would grieve and say goodbye to the love that had given meaning to her life for so long.

The couple stayed intertwined each of them letting go of a dream silently. The door had been left slightly ajar and unbeknownst to them a figure was poised on the other side watching them embrace.

Serena had swallowed her pride once more. She had decided to seek him out and demand to know what was truly in his heart. Never in a million years did she ever think she would be confronted with the sight before her eyes. Her already shattered heart finished breaking as she looked at the couple before her. Her mind tormented her with the realization that this was the reason why he hadn't sought her out.

She couldn't take any more pain and she feared that this time she would truly go mad. The only thing that kept her from losing her mind was the precious gift she carried within her. And her heart broke for the last time as a strangled sob escaped her lips.

Darien opened his eyes just in time to see the shattered blue eyes of Serena. For one moment blue met blue and in that instant Darien was filled with dread as he saw her whirl around and run out of his life.

"Serena!!!"

Hey guys I hope that at least someone is still reading this story. Sorry it took so long to update, there was a loss in my family and I just wasn't able to get the energy up to finish this story. I know this chapter isn't so great so please bear with me I'm about to wrap up the story in two more chapters so I hope someone out there is still reading it. Thank you very much to all those that reviewed the last chapter I loved all of your reviews!!! Like always I do not own anything so no suing allowed. Hey guys your comments are always appreciated drop me a line and tell me what you think and if you still want to read more of this story.


	8. Forgiveness

She ran out of the apartment as if the hounds of hell were nipping at her heels. The despair that threatened to devour her choked her heart in a deadly grip refusing to let go. She had hoped for a different ending only to be crushed once again. Why couldn't her heart understand that it wasn't meant to be? Why must she keep wishing for the impossible? However, having seen Glory happily ensconced in Darien's embrace had shattered any illusions that had prevailed in Serena's heart.

The tears streamed down her cheeks and the sobs felt as if they were being wrenched from the deepest part of her being. When she had finally stopped running she realized that she was standing in the park that had seen them grow from children into adults her heart pounding furiously with recollections from the past. It's amazing how many memories were wrapped around in one place.

This park had seen them cry, laugh, and above all love.

It had been their sanctuary the secret forest were they told each other their dreams their hopes and shared their sorrows. It was a fitting place to lay their history at rest. She had loved him for so long and so fiercely that the thought of giving up on this dream felt like death itself. But what else could she do when everything had been tried.

She wrapped her hands around her stomach and took a deep breath willing her soul to let go of this love for good this time. And as she glanced at the moon she drew strength from the place that had always offered comfort and solace from the pain.

"I have to let go of him. God, help me I have to let go of him before it kills me," she whispered silently to the night.

The truth had become startlingly clear as she had seen the couple enveloped in each others arms. If she continued down this path hoping that someday he might love her it would destroy her sanity. It was useless to hang on when she had already sacrificed everything even gambling her innocence in an attempt to make him love her. It was time to wake up to the reality that was staring at her in the face; he would never be hers. Now, she had a greater reason to be, the life that was growing within her clamored for attention.

"I'll live for you from now on," she lovingly caressed her abdomen.

"Whatever this life may bring it's going to be you and me against the world, kiddo. I want the best for you and I wish you could know him but I have enough love to carry both of us through. We'll be fine; we have to be fine," she added more to herself than to the child that was yet to be.

It burned, heavens, how it burned to realize that a happy ending wasn't in her future. Nevertheless, her heart refused to feel bitterness towards the man that had unwittingly destroyed it. If she couldn't make him happy she was glad that somebody could fill the darkness that she had always sensed lurking in his heart.

Life had given her a beautiful gift that would carry her through the lonely years that lay ahead. Her child would be her only love from now on; her life dedicated to the little person that would bring her immense joy and gratification. Oh but how she wished for things to be different; oh how she wished.

* * *

He looked at the lovely women he was holding in his arms, the shock and despair evident in his eyes. His heart was pounding furiously demanding that he run no fly towards the angel that had fled moments before in tears. He loved her, heavens how he loved her. In that moment he realized that throughout his life it had always been Serena with her undying optimism and love that had kept him from losing himself in darkness. It was her friendship that had anchored him to this world providing safety and joy and without her all he had to look forward were years of quiet desperation.

He took one last look at Glory trying to convey how remorseful he felt about their situation but in his heart the only thing that beat frantically was the sound of his voice urging him to locate Serena before it was too late. With a quick kiss to Glory's cheek he turned away from her and never looked back. He didn't see the shaky smile Glory gave him or the tears that ran down her beautiful face as she lifted a shaky hand and kissed her fingertips in a silent goodbye. Her soft words were lost in the corridors swallowed by walls that would never speak.

"Go Darien, run to her grab your happiness and never let go. Be happy my love," the sobs were shaking through her body as she silently whispered her farewell.

* * *

He could feel the desperation creeping through his soul as he searched the dark city for any sign of his love. All the hidden fears that he had tried to keep at bay were beginning to slither out, hammering at his soul, reminding him that he was destined to walk this life alone. He shook his head trying to dispel the scornful words from his head. But all around him the shadows mocked and taunted him, screaming that he would fail in his mission. He would find her. He had to find her failure was not an option.

The wind had started to pick up and the eerie silence of the night seemed to forewarn of imminent disaster. The blood in his veins simmered feverishly and her name kept repeating itself on his lips. Where was she? He had looked everywhere.

Her apartment had been empty and the few friends they had claimed they hadn't seen her. His mind kept tormenting him with sinister scenarios in which something ill had occurred. And suddenly every nightmare that he had ever had appeared to come to life with every minute of his search.

How could a man be so blind? Everything he had always wanted had been at his fingertips and all he had ever seen was a little girl with pigtails.

He had failed to see that in every hardship in every woe she had been standing right beside him.

He had failed to see that every smile that graced his countenance and every laugh that vibrated throughout his being was because of her.

He had failed to notice the love that shone brightly before him and instead tried to substitute it with lukewarm feelings that ended up hurting another woman that hadn't deserved the pain. Now, as he ran through the streets he hoped and he prayed that he wasn't too late.

"Please God let me find her. Let me make things right. Somehow let me keep her love although I don't deserve it."

It felt as if he had been looking for her for years when he had finally spotted the familiar blonde tresses at the park ahead. He slowed his step trying to control the unruly emotions that were playing mayhem with his thoughts.

Heavens but she was beautiful. It was all he could think of as he saw her profile illuminated by the moon. Funny but he had never noticed how well moonlight suited her. She was bathed in it and she glowed within it but even from afar he could read the loneliness and the anguish that racked her soul; agony that he had caused with his arrogance and indecisions. For a moment he felt his heart break at the thought that maybe just maybe he wouldn't be able to obtain her forgiveness

He wished he hadn't been so sightless.

He wished that he could make things right just by whispering her name.

He wished he could hold her again.

He wished he could capture her in his arms and steal her very essence.

He wished and he longed and when she finally turned to look at him with those impossibly soft sad blue eyes he knew he would move earth and heaven to obtain absolution.

Blue eyes met blue and in the silence that followed hope once again flourished in a heart that had been beaten and trampled.

Every dream she had ever had began and ended with the man that was standing before her. She had yearned to see him again; to feel him again. And now that she had him standing before her the words that had been at the tip of her tongue faded into the night. Her already distressed heart longed for a respite from all the turbulent emotions he evoked. Nevertheless in the deepest corner of her heart a small flicker of hope still burned.

However, the question remained, why is he here?

He was so beautiful and she loved him so much. Therefore, if he had come to ask for forgiveness she would grant it. She would grant it and let him go. Let him return to the woman he loved even if her heart screamed otherwise.

Darien could see the emotions that flitted across Serena's face from incredulity to desolation to love and finally to resignation and his heart resounded with joy. He could read the love burning in her eyes turning them into liquid pools of silver. His soul shouted with joy that it wasn't to late.

In that instant he vowed that as long as there was breath in his body he would do everything in his power make sure that she knew she was loved.

"All my life I have felt as I didn't fit in. There was always a part of me that refused to trust happiness even if it was being dangled right in front of me." He paused for a minute as he saw her beautiful face lift up staring at him with a puzzled look in her eyes.

His voice was strained with emotion as he continued, "I don't think I ever really let myself hope or believe in dreams the way you did. I could never comprehend how you could see the beauty in everything when all I saw was darkness."

His voice shook and stumbled and the tears were beginning to shimmer in his eyes. Serena began to think that maybe she was going insane after all. She had never seen this side to Darien; so open so vulnerable without the walls that always closed him away from the rest of the world.

"Darien its okay I-I know that you love her," she whispered brokenly. "If you feel guilty about what happened between us d-don't…" Her voice broke in mid sentence her heart refusing to whisper the goodbye that would take him away from her forever.

Darien forged on with his monologue as if he hadn't heard the words she had tried to speak.

"Except for my mother I never felt loved or special. There was always this voice that invaded my thoughts and persuaded me that the only thing feelings that I should be entitled with were self-pity, sadness and anger. For a long time those feelings alternated inside of me like an emotional rollercoaster."

Serena opened her mouth like she was going to cry or whisper but instead closed her lips together, gritting her teeth tightly. She did not know whether to call his name for he seemed lost in a memory or to offer a comforting hand that may be slapped away. So, she stayed quiet and hurt alongside with him feeling his pain as if it were her own.

Darien looked at the beautiful woman before him; a woman who had been wiling to sacrifice everything for him and he felt ashamed; ashamed that he hadn't recognized his feelings in time. Even know he could feel the empathy radiating from her being. She had her heart almost destroyed by the man she loved and still she was willing to put her feelings aside to comfort him. She believed he loved another. She thought his heart had been given away. However, how could he have given his heart to Glory when it had always belonged to Serena? After tonight there would never be a doubt as to who Darien Shields loved with all of his heart.

"Still, even through all the pain I've endured there had always been this girl who guarded my dreams; a funny girl who could be careless at times but very strong and very kind. It was in fact her kindness and affection that slowly brought back to life parts of me I had wanted to keep hidden. She never gave up on me not even once and in every crucial moment of my life she was there holding my hand. She is so beautiful that my heart jumps at the thought of her but it's not her physical appearance that has my heart in its grasp but the beauty that radiates from her soul. And every night that I go to bed I Wish and I pray and I murmur her name for it's a blessing in my life Serena…Serena"

The tears began to slide down her cheeks and the sobs racked her body uncontrollably as she heard the loveliest words she had ever heard whispered lovingly into the night. She had always hoped and prayed but having the reality of a dream come true surpasses every illusion she had ever had. She wanted to speak to tell him all that her heart held. She wanted to hear her name on his lips again. She longed to touch him to reassure herself that this night wasn't a figment of a deluded imagination. But all she could do was stand there and cry. All she could do was feel as his arms wrapped around her crushing her to his chest. After weeks of being denied the beauty of being held in his embrace every thought flew out of her head as she enjoyed the warmth of his hard body.

"I love you Serena. I love you. I love you. If you forgive me I promise to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. If you let this man love you I will give you paradise on earth and every day that we have together I will thank the heavens for the miracle they granted me. I want to spend the rest of my life by your side and I want to see my child growing inside of you. You are my family. You are every dream come true and I want see my tomorrow in your eyes. Please say you forgive me for being so dense and I will grant all of your wishes."

Serena lost herself in the fathomless blue eyes before her. She had always loved those intense brightly hued eyes and finally she was seeing in them all she had ever yearned for. She stroked his face memorizing every detail wiping the tears that had fallen there. She desired to engrave this moment in her memory forever. Later much later she would pull it out and remember the night her prince came home.

"Please…Serena please."

"I don't need you to grant me any wishes Darien, they all came true tonight. I love you Dari. I always have…I love you still…I always will."

He crushed her to his lips savoring the flavor of her tears mixed with his own realizing that this was all he had ever wanted; thanking the God's for blessing him and promising never to let go of the miracle that had been entrusted in his care.

"Let's go home princess," Darien took her hand in his and steered her towards their path but the shinning smile Serena gave him suddenly stopped him in his tracks.

Serena looked at Darien with all the love she had evident in every gesture and look. She rose on her tiptoes and gave him a quick peck on the lips; a mischievous smile suddenly splayed on her lips.

"Dari there is something I have to tell you," a sweet giggle was quickly covered by her hand. Darien didn't realize how soon one more of his wishes would be granted.

Hey guys I am truly sorry for how long it took me to come out with this chapter. I went through a tough stretch still dealing with the loss in my family. However, I greatly appreciate all of you guy's comments and reviews. I loved them every single one of them. I was so glad that somebody was still reading this story. I do apologize for the chapter; because it wasn't edited please bear with me. This was the final chapter I hope all of you enjoyed the story. Again THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all those that reviewed I loved every comment and every word of encouragement. I do have an epilogue ready and it will come out this week I promise you for real this time. Thank you again reviewers. I do not own Sailor Moon


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